Iowa:

If Barack keeps rattling on about change, it's going to be mighty hard for me to win this. What can I say about Iowa. Hay bales, greasy food, and country folk. This is gonna be one hell of a campaign season.



New York:

Aahhh...it's good to be home. Back among my own people...beautiful, young, gay men. Well...1 out of 3 isn't bad.



Ohio:

And they said I couldn't win it. Nobody knows the Midwest better than me. What with my pro-cornhole platform and "Support our Bucks" stickers, these hicks were practically begging me to be their president!



Florida:

What a day. Bill insisted on driving the bus and got us lost on the way to Texas. We ended up in Florida *shudder*. Not only were we surrounded by AARP members and drunken frat boys on spring break, but there aren't even any delegates at stake in this God forsaken state! We stayed long enough to buy some slurpies and throw a few fliers out the window, and then got the hell out.



Texas:

Could this state be any freaking bigger? It's completely impossible for me to make it to all my photo ops before the polls close. Thank DARPA for the C-1000. I don't think anyone even noticed the difference. Just a few more days, and I'll be out of here faster than a diaper-wearing astronaut. Pennsylvania here I come!